Min Ho was a young man who lived in San Antonio village. He was not just any young man, for you see he had a special ability. When Min Ho would say a blessing on somebody, they would begin to prosper. And when he would say a curse on them, they would face many hardships. Because of his special ability, many important people would ask him for help during political elections and sporting events.
One day, the mayor of Kagman village sent messengers to Min Ho. The messengers told him that the people of Garapan village had been the final vote in support of a new law that made it illegal to chew beetle nut or play poker. This made the Kagman mayor very angry and so he wanted Min Ho to put a curse on the people of Garapan. Min Ho told the messengers that he couldn't go, because God liked the people of Garapan and wouldn't let him curse them. The men left but the next day, more men came who were even more important than the ones before. They said that if Min Ho would go with them, the mayor of Kagman would give him a full set of tools and all the cereal he could ask for. Knowing that these two things were very hard to come by and rather expensive on the island of Saipan, Min Ho finally agreed.
He packed his bag, and set off with his trusty boonie dog for company; You see, Min Ho NEVER went anywhere without his boonie dog. It was his favorite, and had always been a loyal friend (as boonie dogs go).
After going a ways down Beach road towards Garapan, Min Ho's boonie dog turned off the road and went running towards the ocean! Annoyed, Min Ho beat his dog and told him he was a bad dog and that he should never do that again. After another little ways, the boonie dog turned around in the road and bit Min Ho's leg! Angry, Min Ho spanked the dog again and made great threats and snide remarks about his lineage. They continued on until they came to a police sobriety and seatbelt roadblock checkpoint thing blocking all but one lane of traffic. Min Ho's boonie dog at this point simply stopped in the middle and blocked him from going any further. Furious, Min Ho really let him have it this time. "You flea bitten mutt with scrambled DNA why have you stopped in the road blocking my path?!?!" The dog turned to Min Ho and started to speak. "Master" he said.. "have I not been your faithful boonie dog all these years? Haven't I avoided the dogs with mange, even though they were all cousins of mine? Haven't I brought you many dead rats and left them on your doorstep so thoughtfully? Why do you now beat me so?"
Suddenlly, Min Ho's eyes were opened and he say a shining angel standing in the path in front of his dog. The angel said to him "Hey batt, your dog is trying to save your life. I would have killed you these three times but he turned you away from my sword".
Ashamed, Min Ho bowed down and said "What am I to do then?". The angel told him to continue on, but to only say what God wanted him to say. So he and his boonie dog proceeded towards Garapan.
When they arrived, the mayor from Kagman met them there. They went to Winchell's Donuts and the mayor invited Min Ho to curse the people of Garapan. But when Min Ho started to speak, this is what he said:
"May the people of Garapan have few cockroaches in their homes, and may all their food stamps never run out".
Angrily the mayor told Min Ho he would give him another chance, and he better get it right next time. They went up to the top of Mt. Topachou, and again the mayor told Min Ho to curse the people of Garapan. What he said instead, was:
"May all the potholes in Garapan be filled, and let the dead frogs on the road be eaten quickly so they don't stink for very long".
Enraged, the mayor of Kagman said to Min Ho: "ONE LAST TIME! I HAVE BROUGHT YOU TO CURSE THESE PEOPLE AND YOU ONLY BLESS THEM! You have one more chance to get it right." Min Ho tried explaining that if God didn't want him to curse the people of Garapan, then he simply couldn't; but it was to no avail.
Finally, they arrived at their third destination: the DFS shops. Surrounded by Japanese tourists buying Louis Vuitton, Coach, and Rolex accessories, the Kagman Mayor said "See?! Look at all these people spending too much money on junk they don't need! This area is no good! Maybe now you can curse them?!" But predictably, all Min Ho could say was:
"Let always the children of Garapan not injure themselves when they're playing with machetes, and may the bumpers never again rust off of another pickup truck."
Needless to say, the Kagman mayor was incensed. He instructed Min Ho to return home to San Antonio and never step foot in Kagman again, and stormed off to water his secret garden of beetle nut palms.
EPILOGUE
Due to overwhelming support a new law was passed that reinstated the legality of playing poker and chewing beetle nut and they all lived happily ever after.
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